DWTS: The Emoji Movie

The eleventh episode of Don't Watch This Shit features the instant classic: The Emoji Movie, starring TJ Miller. It's basically Wreck-It Ralph but with way more corporate shilling. The gang is joined by special guests Keith and Lisa. They not only discuss this trainwreck of a film, they also speculate how the initial idea of a children's bang bus evolved into the Emoji movie. 

Jesse

  1. Lisa will fall asleep.

  2. There will be a "lost princess" plot.

  3. The movie's message will be "you are unique and special" and will abandon it halfway through.

  4. Tons of product placement.

  5. At some point, I will seriously consider ending my life during this movie.

Final Rating: 

All proof of this film's existence needs to be fired into the sun.

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Taylor

  1. Just be yourself will be said 7 times.

  2. Patrick Stewart will only have a single minute of screen time.

  3. James Corden is going to sing a la car karaoke.

  4. Somone is going to say "break the internet".

  5. The following products will be shown on screen:

    • Sony Music

    • Sony Phone

    • Sony Television

    • Spiderman

Final Rating:

This is a cultural fart.

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Mick

  1. Tons of Product Places

  2. Toilet Humor

  3. Horrible amalgamation of Pixar tropes and plot lines.

  4. Bumpin soundtrack.

  5. Stacked with Cameos

Final Rating:

I was on my phone looking at Emojis for most of this movie. 

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Keith

  1. Replacement of swears with random other words.

  2. Everything is a terrible meme

  3. Poop jokes

  4. Shitty meta jokes about pandering.

  5. Eggplant and Blue Water drops tag team peach emoji.

Dance sequence at the end.

Final Rating:

Tropical island meeting their shit gods shitty.

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Lisa

  1. Some sort of dating app will be included

  2. This will be all about "you can be who you are"

  3. TJ Miller's character will show the other emojis that they can also branch out

  4. We will see the poop emoji at least 3 times.

Final Rating:

I slept for most of this movie and when I woke up the same stuff was happening. 

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