In this edition of Don't Watch This Shit, Mick, Jesse, Baby Brother Taylor, and Perpetual New Guy Sam sat down and watched the summer blockbuster Gods Of Egypt starring Jamie Lannister, Off-Brand Orlando Bloom, and Gerard Butler.
# of Times Off-Brand Orlando Bloom should have died: 6
Mostly white people
Vague British accent: NO EGYPTIAN
Gauntlet of enemies
Storm/Infiltrate the Castle Scene
Set has some artifact as source of power
Tertiary God in 11th hour
Hero ascends to Godhood
Hero training sequence
God learns about mortals
Surprisingly accurate mythology
Would probably make a better video game.
Jesus-like sacrifice ending by Jamie L.
Nobody tries hard acting in this movie.
Dumb romantic subplot forced in.
Probably going to see a mummy
Dying without blood
Reach: Someone will part the Red Sea.
Ra is going to be a sexy woman.
Scene where they weigh souls with Anubis
The sphinx being build still with nose
Jamie Lannister is immortal
Gerard Butler will have no actual motivation besides evil.
The human will weaken the villain to make him killable in the last fight
The heroes gained super amazeballs weapons that will be stripped away in the last fight.
Jamie Lannister has sex at least twice, one time he's real sad
Someone will be fed grapes like Hedonism bot
Vikings or another force will be the stinger at the end.
Goal is the "Eye of Horus"
Girl is actually a god and doesn't reveal it until the end.
No mention of the Jews
Hero does it for the poon
Horus loses twice
Some sort of very incorrect Egyptian imagery
Huge CGI sets ala Star Wars or LOTR
Struggle accents or no attempt at accents
Main character makes heroic sacrifice