Episode 7: Repligator

Mick, Jesse, and Taylor watched 1996's Repligator, a piece of thrill-rotica about soldiers, sexy babes, and cheap raptor masks. There isn't anybody famous anywhere near this movie unless you count the guy who played Leatherface in the old Texas Chainsaw Massacre, which nobody does.

TITS: 13

PRODUCTION MISTAKES: 12

LASERS: 25

JESSE

  1. SCIENCE GADGETS SAVE THE DAY

  2. ALLIGATORS ONLY AFFECT WOMEN

  3. HORRIBLE, BLATANT SEXISM

  4. INEXPLICABLE NUMBER OF WOMEN

  5. LITTLE PLOT COHESION. SCENES NEARLY EXIST IN A VACUUM.

FINAL RATING:

IT'S LIKE WATCHING THE BORING PARTS OF A FETISH PORNO.

MICK:

  1. THIS WILL BASICALLY BE A RIPOFF OF ALIEN.

  2. THERE WILL BE A SEX SCENE. IT WILL BE AWKWARD AF.

  3. THERE WILL BE A "BIG REVEAL" THAT DR. GOODBODY IS ACTUALLY A REPLIGATOR.

  4. THERE ARE GOING TO BE A FUCKLOAD OF FILMING MISTAKES.

  5. SHITTY WORDPLAY/PUNS.

FINAL RATING:

THIS IS THE WORST EPISODE OF PLANET EARTH I HAVE EVER SEEN.

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TAYLOR:

  1. AT LEAST HALF OF THE SCENES WILL HAVE AWKWARD PAUSES BEFORE CUTTING AWAY.

  2. THERE IS NO EVIL DOCTOR, JUST SCIENCE ACCIDENTS.

  3. A LINE AKIN TO "YES, BUT AT WHAT COST" WILL BE UTTERED.

  4. THERE WILL BE A REAL WORLD NEWS TIE-IN LIKE BILL CLINTON BEING PRESIDENT

  5. THERE WILL BE DUDE BUTT.

FINAL RATING: 

A STEVE IRWIN PORN PARODY WOULD HAVE BEEN MORE TASTEFUL.